Corbyn and Sturgeon agree to share Magic Money Tree

Labour leadership frontrunner Jeremy Corbyn and Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon have agreed to share the proceeds of the Magic Money Tree. Both politicians had previously promised to tap the mythical source of free government revenue to fund their programmes.


The contents of the magical pot of money can be accessed in a number of ways. One method, favoured by Mr Corbyn, involves the Bank of England printing money and giving it to the government. By invoking the powers of the magical tree, Mr Corbyn hopes to avoid the high inflation that has occurred every other time any government anywhere has tried this tactic.


North of the border the mythical tree's largesse is accessed via Scotland's oil reserves. Luckily the tree's magical powers ensure there is still plenty of money to go around even after the oil price has fallen by half and as Scotland's North Sea oil reserves run dry.


"The Magic Money Tree really is almost too good to be true," economist Dave Maynard-Keynes told us. "It's hard to understand why any government would want to rely on regular tax revenue when such a fantastic pot of free cash has been available all along."


Meanwhile, Ms Sturgeon is said to be considering offering a second Scottish independence referendum in the SNP's manifesto for the 2016 Holyrood elections. The poll is expected to pose the question "Do you want tae tell the English tae get tae fuck", with the options "aye" and "ask me again in two years."