Hacked Ashley Madison users find additional relief from marital boredom

Users of infidelity website Ashley Madison who face public naming and blackmail threats after their personal details were published online have thanked the hackers for providing an even greater-than-expected relief from the tedium of married life.


"I had become sexually bored in my marriage," one user told us. "I signed up hoping for a bit of fun on the side. But now I have a Russian-based phishing gang threatening to expose my identity to my wife and colleagues. I've started embezzling funds at work to pay the blackmail money. The sexual tension is fucking incredible."


Infidelity expert Dave Bitt-Ondaside explained the phenomenon. "For many people who cheat on their spouses the sexual excitement comes from the fear of exposure as much as anything else. So what could be more arousing than the thought that the entire world might find out that you're a lying, philandering prick?"


The motivation of the hackers themselves remains a mystery. However, for the lonely and socially awkward computing obsessives - whose sex life is likely to consist primarily of wanking over on-line porn in their parents' basement - sexual jealousy is thought to be the dominant factor.