Public still not missing Nick Clegg

New polling has revealed that three months after he was ejected from government and his party was all but wiped out as a parliamentary force, the public is still totally not missing Nick Clegg.


Political analyst Davina Torking-Hedd told us that the poll's findings were surprising. "Usually at this stage a defeated politician's numbers tend to start improving. Nostalgia kicks in, and the electorate starts to forget the negatives. But in Mr Clegg's case this simply isn't happening. His reputation as a lying, hypocritical piece of shit just seems impossible to shake off."


Mr Clegg's five years in power are still remembered primarily for the series of policy U-turns on issues like student tuition fees that preceded his party's entry into government. "For most voters his reputation never survived the 2010 Rose Garden press conference with David Cameron," Ms Torking-Hedd argues. "Focus groups always bring up the unbearable aura of smugness and entitlement. Also the fact that they looked like a couple of public schoolboys who'd spent the afternoon engaging in competitive masturbation and had only just remembered to wipe the cum off their chin."

Meanwhile, the public continues to enjoy its new-found Cleggless status. "I guess when the tories start selling off the NHS or try to reintroduce the Poll Tax we might miss the Lib Dems' moderating influence in government," floating voter Dave Mondeo-Mann told us. "But even then the dominant feeling will be one of relief at not having to listen to that sanctimonious prick ever again."